Solo hiking in nature for days has been a dream of mine. Everything on my back. Practicing solitude. Connecting to my thoughts and the earth.

I’ve hesitated on this dream for a long time.

My poor organisation skills and self-doubt stood in the way. I waited to latch onto others’ plans. I noticed how often this stopped me from exploring the outdoors.

My friend recently organised un-guided hike on the Huayhuash Circuit. His organisation showed me possibility of planning my own solo hike.

A cycle I go through is often letting time fizzle things out. In the post-trek euphoria, I set a deadline to put my learnings into practice. A solo multi-day hike before leaving Latin America.

There was a calling to do the Choquequirao through to Machu Picchu hike. A ten-day experience traversing the mountains of ancient Incan ruins. The length and remoteness scared me. I knew on the other side of this anxiety was a change I needed to see in myself. Accessing the freedom of the outdoors here and now.

The Incan ruins were a by-product of what I internally wanted to experience. To know that I, a city person, am confident and worthy of taking myself into nature for days. Acknowledging the privileges of male solo backpacking, also feeling safe in solitude.

Alone

At one site it was only me. Five hours to the nearest person. I flinched at night when the tent fly lifted in the breeze.

Music and podcasts relaxed me. Daily videos to send to close friends and family after the hike made me feel close to others.

Practice

I made endless mistakes. My bag was five kilos heavier than it needed to be. I had no first aid for a rolled ankle. No bug spray for the infestation of mosquitoes and sandflies.

Mistakes were always going to happen. This is a new skill for me. I offered myself grace and compassion. Throwing myself into a hard situation made the learning curve higher.

I celebrated the little wins. From makeshift sock hip pads easing the friction burn from my belt straps, to learning to listen to my body.

Listening to Intuition

Trusting the intuition can be scary. Uncertainty riddled me for the first half of the trek. It made me impatient.

I grinded through the trek not allowing myself to rest. I felt the need to cover ridiculous ground each day. My exhaustion affected my enjoyment.

I realised my tiredness could be a sign to stop. I can allow myself to do less rather than always seek the hard thing. Move slowly. Sink my feet into the ground. Listen to the trees. Listen to me.

I begun receiving this experience with an open heart. The doing shifted to being.

Understanding the intuition can be confusing. How do I know what path to take? What I want is different to the norm, am I sure about this? Rumination surfaces with the infinite directions.

I’m learning that connecting to intuition is a skill. Listening more, I’m starting to understand its language. It’s abstract at first. Repetition reveals how direct it’s speaking.

When a poor decision happens, I’m starting to give myself grace. Choosing another path doesn’t guarantee an outcome. I’m sure I’ll make many bad choices in the future. The failures connect me to reading the signals in my body.

It leads to experiences when you get it right. Knowing when to slow down when pressured to do more. Opening up to moments laced with feeling.