Two Years No Beers
Two years ago I quit drinking.
I dwelled on stopping for years. Alcohol no longer served me. I persisted to drink. I resisted what I needed.
I thought I had to sacrifice my mental state for validation. My attachment made delusions. All people want is for you to be happy.
After several attempts I let go. I reflected in a piece on one year sober. To summarise:
it doesn’t make your problems go away
the power of stripping back, and
people don’t care.
Another check-in to share more learnings from one year off the beers.
This doesn’t exist to make you stop drinking and create a sobriety pedestal. It’s an ordinary story of letting go. Seeing how effective change is. If it was an answer or disguised the real questions.
If you experience higher attachments to alcohol contact a professional for one-to-one support.
People are with you.
Detach from Purity
Leave space for failure.
There is a perceived pressure when committing to something that it must be perfect. This is big in health, work, and passions. Anything short of perfect is not enough. So when we fail we stop.
There’s less grace for the experience of being human.
Two times last year I drank:
trying a local fermented yucca when staying in an Amazonian village
a night out at a dance event
Neither experience had more merit than the other. I was curious. It fell back on people pleasing habits. I didn’t enjoy the experiences. Sometimes that happens on the other side of curiosity.
It was a feedback loop. I had the choice for it to be constructive or destructive. Ruminate and shame myself, or let it be a learning opportunity.
What happens now is more relevant than the past. Guilt can let go for presence.
These two experiences of ‘weakness’ detached me from a sober streaking label. No longer trying to identify with a group and sinking into my ordinary journey.
Searching
Finding confidence in certain social situations has been hard. It felt easy after a few drinks. I attached a feeling that lives within me to something else.
I’m still working out where it is.
It’s opening up a lot within that I’ve avoided. Vulnerable, closed spaces are now open to see.
It’s confronting, painful at times.
Repetition is creating familiarity. The more I show up I’m realising that it’s a teacher.
Change becomes easier
Quitting drinking was two years ago.
So much has happened since. Other parts of me are more relevant. Different things to detach from. IDissolving the identity is still scary, but there’s belief that I can.
Change is inevitable, at times abrupt. Practicing letting go is making life’s constant flux feel easier.
